i had a birthday night that felt like a life time.
i tried to journal it so many times but it always feel small when i do. some experience are like light and when i force them into chronological lines, they feel deflated.
memory of the past
growing up i don’t remember much about my b day. i had a birthday at probably 6 year old which i was blowing a cake at my grandparents house, and my hair looked like a butterfly. 7th grade, i invited many friends and classmates, but only jingyi and tangkun showed up. jingyi was a one-of-a-kind writer/classmate/girl i was obsessed with. also from a rich family that i couldn’t tell how rich they are. infinite rich. like never have to worry rich. when she was dropped off by her private driver to my community gate she said she couldn’t eat those meat at the restaurant i picked, and left. and she left me with a large gift box. i later opened it that night with tangkun at the restaurant, and it was a very expensive porcelain doll. tangkun and i shopped at anime store for pirated dvds, we had a great time. then it was 2019. i invited 8 of my favorite friends at an expensive restaurant in santa monica. everyone was someone i connected so deeply and i only hang out 1on1. but that night all of them were there, and i couldn’t talk to everyone or anyone, it was just overwhelming how we were all in little duet conversations and i was also so busy with the food and the interior design of the restaurant. then it was 2024. i celebrated with eclipse in a very very ceramic forward round shaped hotel in puerto escondido. eclipse was giving an oversized dog bed that he and i were both obsessed with, and he pee-ed on the floor that i cleaned up meticulously to avoid a large pet fee, and next morning i had the best egg in my life on the second floor of the hotel and i asked the waiter if i can buy their napkin as bday gifts for myself and he warped two for me to go.
a series of wild serendipities
then it was this year. 2026. i invited many. and out of that many, a good chunk are not even in la. but i invited anyway because i realized i wanted to have them in my life. they were very important people of my life. and then it began a month long struggle of mixing together a group of people that i wasn’t sure if i feel confident enough to mix. but i was inspired by yasmine’s birthday and i had a little faith in it.
heat wave hit us that weekend and i wanted to cancel. but i didn’t. before we head out i prompted everyone with theme, ocean and mushroom. assigned leon with the cake i want. and everyone else with food assignment and gear. davis took me out the week before so he could see his family that night. marcus was sick. so it was just me, leon, yasmine and naomi. i arrived naomi’s home early and she and dad was watching greatest british bake show so we waited till the end of the show. and then we picked up leon and his cake and leon didn’t pack so we packed in his room. and we stopped by diamond bar for asian market to get fruit because naomi forgot her food at home and leon got protein so we could make up for what was missed from marcus absent. then we had a little car accident that turned out to be ok. the sun was blading anyway so we wanted to be late. but then we arrived it was 3 hr after planned. it was supposed to be 3, then 430, then 530, then 6. and yasmine was late around the same time. sun was down already, and the air felt like gentle hug. i was glad i didn’t cancel it, it was just right.
the land/ranch we camped that night, macala was so beautiful. we were welcomed by host david on a 4 wheel cart then rolled up and down into our camping spot elderberry park. the land had so many variety of elevations, and so many rocks, not just any rocks, they looked handsome, ancient and alive. they are handsome rocks. and we had a nice civilized bathroom with shower. and in our spot we had fresh well spring water. yas laughed so much that naomi and leon had to use rock to hammer my tent into the ground to set up tent. it was quite an experience for her to witness me bossing people to hammer with rock for my birthday. she put together a large table and outdoor mat so we could have proper furnitures. (yas brought a very comfy love chair, she said she was inspired by me hunting for people’s chairs at the festival. so she went and hunted chairs too.) then all the led we brought and kitchen just came together. i gave her some of my leds and she put the butterflies around the table, the sun and jellyfish on the tree, and then the rest of the yellow light bright up the place like candles. she also brought solar light that shed mesmerizing shade. then after tent and decor set up, we went up the hill to swing and talk about how much we love southern california. wild rocks, and you can over look the hemet town like a starlight lake.
when we were back, the night already fell. i noticed naomi chopped tree from her yard boxed them in steel crate, so we had real tree wood. and somehow everyone brought steel pot pan plate pitcher. leon and naomi spent a lot of effort blowing and setting up fire kitchen. it was a real job, to set up fire for cooking. the wood burnt so beautiful. naomi was so good at making fire.
the wood fire, mushroom and cast iron was just right. leon and naomi was able to prepare the fire perfectly. jasmine was preparing the table. it was coming together like a flow. i was proud. they cooked mushroom on cast iron over a firepit. and we put skewer into mushroom and lay them around the tripod fire rack.
it was the most cinematic cooking experience i had. the fire was beautiful on its own, but then we had an led decorated dining area with cozy furnitures and steel dinnerware. i was so satisfied and they were so happy to see me so satisfied.
then we had the right dinner. epic salad, seared mushroom, duck, we put them all in silver pot and served them hot or fresh. like history book.
naomi’s drink was quite nice too. a fall themed blood color drink. the mushroom were so perfect that we couldn’t stop talking about them.
then the cake. it was mille crepe i asked leon to make because i love mille crepe but it was so hard. but leon is french so he loved making crepe and gladly took that challenge. he filled it with passionfruit curd and matcha cream, then dusted the cake with matcha powder. it looked like a lake. we didn’t have candles, so he burnt 3 skewers and they were the best candles i could never dream.
we toasted. i didn’t talk much, i was in awe with the beauty i manifested for myself and my friends. i did it. I DID IT. wow. what a brilliant birthday! and how brave i am to ask people to chop trees and hammer rocks for me!
yas performed hula dance. i got playful and had me dress in led and also dance w her. i couldn’t balance. she was so good at it and went to dance on top of the rock. i got into my natural flow state and took over music, and she synced her hula dance with my music. those music were all intentional. (…i mean…is there anything that is not intentional from my head…?)
This Land from lion king.
A Sky Full of Star.
Beautiful Day. healing house version.
Things I Do for Love from game of throne.
Jupitor by taimane.
…
i chanted wisdom over music. i forgot how much i love music and how much i love chanting over music.
naomi went to bed early.
me and leon and jasmine looked at the stars and spent time just comtemplating about life on rocks. me and jasmine echoed so much. we were like sisters.
so much silence, and awe.
to not wake naomi up, leon shared tent with me, and i couldn’t inflate my mat because my pump was dead. we slept on rocky land. the tent door wasn’t closed. the night was so warm and the air was so fresh. it was like sleeping outdoor. the night was warm and gentle waves felt like hugged by wind.
after a prolonged uncomfortable rocky sleeping time, my pump is finally charged so i got up, rolled leon to the side so i could inflate the mat. and when it was pumped, he rolled back with a great ahhhh - a deep, satisfied exhale. a giant baby.
next morning i woke up early by excitement of sunrise, and so many sound. rooster, bird, wind. before sunrise i used skymap to help simulate how soon the sun is going to rise. then i woke up yas in her tesla to remind her sunrise time, and touched her futon. what a great piece of futon she has. and i went back to sleep again and and we had a great sunrise singing lion king.
when me, yas, and naomi came back from sunrise, leon was still sleeping like a baby and acted like a baby too by not waking up even i hit him with hand. so i played eclipse grooming songs so he could wake up and make mushroom eggs for us.
i cut a giant middle eastern bread and wrapped we wrap all the food together. my little stove got damaged so we used leon’s little camping stove under a giant cast iron pan. my coconut cold brew turn out to be a failure.
after food and most packing, david took us on a tour to macala.
the cart ride was like indiana jones. macala was so beautiful! so many wonderful and wild structures. i felt like a mini native american. he took us to see bird skulls, guava farm, green house with cute baby plants, and ride over a mansion on top of the hill, to the back of the land where there were native american settlement by rock tribe. he told us every year people came to this land and camp here for harvest party, and we all music, dance, drink, and work just a little bit.
then he showed us the outdoor kitchen area where we can use. it was a tiled indoor outdoor kitchen with a sink on the edge of a cliff! i washed my hand and the water went all the way down the hill like a waterfall. yes, that’s a proper way to dish wash!
a few excitements and gratitudes with david later, we got dropped off to our site again and i dismissed the group with holding hand and howling to the moon.
goodbye, for now
after i drove back to the city, i felt like i went back to mars. like i was on earth the night before, and the city is mars. because… how the hell in city there is no animals and stars and rocks and trees and skulls and firewood? so city is mars!
i wanted to cry. i had a life time last night and it was too perfect, and ended too soon.
i remember mynight like that was when i had was dome camp mushroom night, i cried and told everyone i would never go back to burning man without dome crew. but that was because we had shroom. this was no shroom.
and it came together so gloriously that i had a greatest downfall next afternoon. not wanting to talk. wanting to cry but couldn’t.
and woow! so much magic has happened to my life already, and so many life has passed and yet i am still so so young and so many years to live. i really could have died yesterday or any magic-life-time ago and still fulfilled!
cheers to my alive-year-old birthday!
and goodbye, macala, for now. we will definitely be back!