Coming out of a storm

China was hard.

My almost 90-year-old grandparents fought the entire Chinese New Year. Their fight when I was a kid felt so long ago, but when they fought this time, it felt the same as when I was a kid; all the memories were coming back. Their fight was not the biggest one; they were famous for fighting, and this time, it was totally an average fight. But my aunts and uncles were pissed; they were old too, and they couldn’t stand it anymore.

I realized how toxic my childhood was, and everyone, including myself, was surprised by how healthy of a being I am today. It was a miracle. In fact, the rest of the world was nice to me, and my life has expanded so much and become lighter. I love my life.

My cousin was having a wedding in Beijing. Everyone else was not invited except me and my parents. My relatives had the most extensive family drama ever, making up a conspiracy about what my cousin did. They thought she manipulated my grandma, used my grandma’s anger towards my uncle’s marriage to make him divorce, and once accomplished, immediately ditched her and did not invite her to the wedding.

The wedding deserved its season. There was no high-end, but it was highly detailed. It was my cousin’s fantasy; her entire personality was coming alive, and I was proud of her. She has good friends around her who understand her strengths and weaknesses, and she makes things happen with her independence, even with all the drama around her.

Being in Beijing felt like living in a little gold cage. There was no fresh air, and my thoughts were congested after absorbing so many negativities around people. Maybe they didn’t even realize they were being negative; they were just reflections of their surroundings.

I clearly spiraled for almost a month, my energy was lower and lower, and I was a little walking hater towards humans and society. After landing in LA, it was pouring big rain; I was slightly lighter but still spiraling.

The next day, Sam’s birthday, I drove to Eden.

The drive was a “risking my life” drive. I went on the wrong road. It was also pouring in Topanga Canyon; the other cars passing by were going through the little pond at high speed, creating a big splash of water on my windshield. Tesla was giving a warning. The road was winding. I couldn’t see for a lot of moments. It was a real emergency from time to time.

Then, the drive cleared after the canyon. The rain was gone, and I suddenly saw tiny houses, an open field, and a clear sky—the most transparent sky I’ve seen in days.

When I arrived at the farm, I was immediately light and happy. Friends here understand my wave languages, and I can breathe now. I felt alive for a long time.

We picked vegetables and snails, planted seeds, and made a hypothetical hit song. I saw baby goats that were one month old, afraid of the dogs, and then lambs fighting with the dog to protect the goats.

I finally emerged from a storm; I am home now and heading to a much happier place in life. Physically and metaphorically.